Half way

Jeff started cycle 2 of treatments in Edmonton which gave us a little mini vacation! We got a hotel for 3 days and the kids and Jeff's family came down for a few days to spend time at the waterpark and play. Jeff of course had to be at chemo the whole day but he was able to find the energy to come out for dinner with the whole family.

On the second day of Jeff's 3 day chemo treatment, Jeff developed a tremor in this hand. It was significant enough that he wasn't able to eat fruit salad with a spoon and writing was difficult. The Drs were able to give him a medication which helped for a few days. On the Thursday after we got home, Jeff's medicine wasn't working and he was having a hard time sleeping because his tremoring hand would wake him up. We decided we better have a doctor look at him to make sure nothing big was happening. The doctor did a CT scan and found the results to be consistent will earlier scans and set our minds at ease. We assume the tremors are side effects of the chemo drugs he was given and hope they go away once chemo is finished. 

Jeff had his mid chemo MRI and met with the Doctor last week. It turns out, the cough he has had didn't come from the cold that was circling our house. One of the chemotherapy drugs Jeff had been receiving was actually causing damage in his lungs. The doctor immediately discontinued that specific drug from Jeff's chemo cycle meaning he no longer has to go once a week. Now, Jeff has 3 days of chemo at the beginning of his 21 day cycle and then nothing until the next cycle. That means I can count on one hand how many times we have to go back for chemo treatments! 

Jeff's MRI results come back consistent with earlier scans. His tumor hasn't shrunk the way we would have hoped but the doctors are hopeful they have stopped its growth. Jeff will have another MRI in March and will be followed closely after that. 

A cycle complete

We are waiting in bonnyville for the last day of Jeff's first cycle! The first cycle has been good so far. A few little bumps have come up along the way but nothing too crazy. Last week we found out Jeff's sodium was low, so the doctors added another medication to keep those levels up. This week, his neutrophil level is 0.0 which means he has no bacterial infection fighting ability at all and will be started on a prophylactic round of antibiotics. The port incision has healed nicely and his hair is still intact! Jeff's next round will start Monday next week and will take place in Edmonton. Only 2 more rounds to go. 

Feels good to be home

After the first night, the nurses and doctors were very helpful and got Jeff feeling better. He hasn't thrown up since the first night and he is feeling alright. He is incredibly tired and not super stable on his feet but looking forward to a weekend of relaxing and resting.

Getting poked for iv's and bloodwork never bothers Jeff but apparently he has super tricky veins. Day 1 he got poked 3 times and day 2 he got poked twice. That was when Jeff's nurse talked to the dr about getting a central line put in. Since Jeff's drugs go in intravenously and he has 5 days of chemo in a 21 day cycle, it would be hard on his veins to get poked 2 or 3 times every time. Things worked out in his favour and Jeff was able to get his central line put in before we came home. It is called a power port and everything is completely under his skin. He has a few staples right now and a lump just below his clavicle on the right side but it is a relief to know they won't have to go digging around in his arms any more. They will be able to use the port for his next treatment which will be in bonnyville! 

Chemo day one

Day one of chemo went well. We were not able to get into bonnyville for the start of treatment so we get to stay in Edmonton for a few days. The first day at the cross was uneventful. Jeff gets all his drug intravenous so it takes a few hours to get all the drugs into him. It's super unnerving to be in a big room where everyone is getting poison pumped into their veins in order to combat an even bigger poison. The doctors and nurses are amazing and the volunteers really do help to make things easier. But it doesn't change the fact that everywhere you look, people are fighting a hard battle. 

Jeff was feeling good after his first treatment. He has been drinking lots of water and they push lots of fluid in with the drugs so I expected him to be up a few times through the night to pee. I woke up a few times when he got up but didn't think much of it until at 5am when he told me he had been throwing up. It was a long night for him having to get up so much and throwing up him anti-nausea drugs this morning didn't help. Arriving at the cross this morning was like a big breath of fresh air. They immediately started him on intravenous anti-nausea meds and they are working on getting him some more meds for home. Right now, all is well. Jeff is relaxing and ready for day two. 

Chemotherapy

Since the completion of radiation in 2013 Jeff has been trying to find his new grove. He has been helping his dad as much as he can around the farm and with me going back to school, he has really stepped up with taking care of the kids as well as chores around the house. 

In September Jeff's MRI report came back with some bad news. There had been some growth of his tumor and the oncologist scheduled another MRI a few months later. Growth again, although it was minimal, meant Jeff needed to be to seen by the chemotherapy team. We met another new dr and went through the details. The next 9 - 12 weeks for Jeff look like they are going to be tough ones.  He will have 3 different types of chemotherapy drug being pumped into him in 3 or 4 , 21 day cycles. Days 1, 2, and 3 are chemo days as well as days 8 and 15. Then he gets to start again for another cycle. Hair will fall out, blood count will go down, and nausea will become a part of life. We really don't know what to expect or how Jeff will react to the drugs but hopes are high that this will be the end of his cancer chapter. 

After the good news

I wrote this about a year ago and didn't realize I never published it to the blog. It may have been that I felt it was too much of a downer or maybe I just really didn't want anyone to know I was struggling. After reading this a year later, I realize how far Jeff has come and how far our family has come. I still need to plea for strength everyday and the long term stress is starting to present itself physically. The battle continues but we have a village behind us. We have loving a caring friends who want to be there through the good and the bad. I can't even express how much love I have for all those I associate with. We have family that has been more than incredible our whole lives and we have a faith in Heavenly Father that provides us with a steady foundation. So without any further babble, the post that was written a year ago and never published......

 The battle after the good news has been at times harder than the radiation and treatment. The weeks and months during and after surgeries and radiation were filled with a whirlwind of appointments and schedules but for me, my emotions were dormant for the process. I have thought about it as being in survival mode. I have always been that way. In times of high stress, survival, or emengency situations, I shut down my emotional brain and get done what needs to be done. Im sure im not the only one. It works well for short term but last year I realized I couldnt live in survival mode long term. Some time earlier this year i realized that the stress was building up inside and one day put into words what I was feeling. If felt like I was driving in a snow storm. You know those horrable winter nights, the moon and stars are muffled by the raging blizzard and you can barley see the side of the road. When there are cars in front and behind you not daring to go over 50. Your knuckles white from gripping the stearing wheel. Thats how I felt. Every second of every day. The walls of my idea of a perfect life were crashing down on me and I was weak for not keeping it together. The last thing i wanted (and want) is for people to feel sorry for me. I want people to think I am strong and able, dominent and enduring. Turns out, I'm human. Turns out, im not immune to all the emotional and mental issues that accompany most high stress situations.

are 2 words really enough?

This has been something on my mind for at least a year and something I am so completely uncomfortable talking about that it has actually taken this long to write a post about it. I feel so inadequate at saying Thank You because I don’t feel like it could ever be enough. I can’t count the number of people that have helped Jeff and I through out our journey and I know I haven’t shown as much appreciation for it as I feel I should have. How do I pay someone back for his or her kind words that helped us make it through another day? How do I accept anonymous donations without being humbled to tears? How do I show to those that have offered support that their actions are truly the works of God in our lives?  I suck at saying thank you because I feel like it could never be enough. I went as far as to write notes to all of those who have made a difference in our lives and sadly most of you didn’t receive them because of my self-conscious thoughts that a note couldn’t possibly express the gratitude I felt for them. The truth is, I am grateful. Everyday I feel love and appreciation for each and every one of you who have offered any type of support. We have had an overwhelming amount of love flowing into our home over the last few years and especially over this last year. Our battle still continues as we move forward and find our new normal again but the strength and love in never ending. I hope everyone has a chance to read this and know that our gratitude is beyond words (or even a silly blog post). I want to say thank you to all of you and behind it, I want to you know that a small struggling family has made it through because of you.